Best Best Man Ever?
When you’re chosen as the best man for a wedding, sometimes it’s important to bring a unique experience to the wedding. Whether that means going above and beyond for the bachelor’s party or delivering the most memorable wedding speech of all time, it’s normally expected that best men will step up to make this day memorable.
So when this guy was chosen as the best man for his friend, he absolutely made a memorable choice. Instead of sticking with the basics, he decided to pull out all the stops and call on the notorious Pornhub as part of an incredible — and unforgettable — wedding toast.
Getting married means devoting your life completely to another person for better or for worse, but it also means that you have to say goodbye to past partners. For most men, that can include some infamous websites like Pornhub. So when this best man wanted to do something unforgettable for his friend’s wedding, he enlisted Pornhub to help with a scathing roast from the website itself.
The speech seems to start off innocently enough. The best man says, “What has Danny always loved? Well, anyone who’s lived with Danny knows what he’s like on a full load, and when he ‘travels’ with work. So it hit me: I had visions back to it, under his bed as a thirteen-year-old boy. So I called Pornhub!”
The crowd erupts in cheers as he continues, “Hello, Pornhub! My name’s Tom; I’m best man at a wedding in a few weeks, and my best friend Daniel… yeah, Hodges, that’s the one. His subscription and reputation obviously preceded him. Pornhub, for those who don’t know … is the biggest pornographic distributor in the world. So I thought, it’s only fair on his wedding day, with Danny being a man of the world, that they did a video for him!” He gestures to a screen where the video begins to play.
In the video, a woman in a Pornhub tanktop waves and says, “Hi, Danny! This is Arya with a message from your old friend, Pornhub. We’ve been with you for years now, witnessing all your varied faces.”
Then, images of Danny’s faces from growing up come across the screen. She says, “Like this one, or this one… Or, my personal favorite, this one,” featuring a picture of Danny that looks like he’s in the middle of a sneeze.
The woman goes on, “Danny, your stamina and loyalty is very much appreciated. All our girls are gutted to hear that you’re getting married.” Up on the screen pops images of porn stars with word bubbles saying “Gutted!” and “Danny, don’t go!”
She says, “Especially since, through your travels, you personally have viewed our site in the most countries worldwide. We want to congratulate you and your new bride today, but we also want you to know that we’ve saved all of your favorites.”
Luckily, we get a taste of Danny’s so-called favorites. This includes, “Yummy Mummy Votes to Remain… in the Boudoir,” “Foursome in a Bed,” “Posh Blonde Makes a Clotted Creampie,” and “The Royal Society of Fit Bird Watching.”
“Yeah,” the woman says, “Ladies and gentlemen, take all those in. Danny, we will never leave you, and you’ll always be welcomed back. We know Kat can’t travel everywhere, so when that day does come, we’ll welcome you back with a free Pornhub premium subscription. We love you that much!”
She concludes, “So congratulations, you two. Many happy years to come. Love, Pornhub.”
As for how the groom took it? Well, it seemed to go over well, as he cheers and says, “I got premium!”
Check out the video above. You can read more about this story here.
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