You've got to do what you've got to do
It can be so hard to tell your daughter’s boyfriend that you won’t allow him to marry her, but you may have her best interests at heart. Though it’s becoming less and less common for people to ask for the permission of their significant other’s parents to get married, some people still find it to be a lovely, respectful tradition. That is, until they get denied.
These dads explain why they had to say no to their daughters’ suitors, and how hopeful guys can finally win their approval if they need it.
Afraid to Let Her Go
My daughter was going into her junior year of college. We have always nurtured open communication and could/would discuss everything. She popped off with, “Well my boyfriend and I want to get married.” I instantly replied with a solid no.
I tried to explain that her mother and I had started early and blah blah blah, divorce, hate and discontent. Afterward, I called my best friend to get her on my side and justify my no. She calmly but firmly asked me what I was doing at 20. I was in foreign countries, Gulf War, and solo traveled across semi-dangerous countries. I paused, thought about it, and realized what a complete clown I had been.
I let a couple of days go by and was going to reach out to my daughter. I texted her and she replied, “My boyfriend is going stop by your house.” Ugh. He came over and we start to talk. I had made a big pot of clam chowder. We broke bread. He slid a one year, three year and five year plan across the table. I pretended to review them because I couldn’t really read them with how choked up I was. We talked for two hours.
I had known this young man for three years before this. He was always a wonderful person. That day he approached me with maturity, respect for my daughter, and a plan. They have been married for three years. Both have their degrees and good jobs. My son-in-law is awesome! (Bronson_Butterfinger)
Be a Man
I know that a man once asked my granddad’s permission to marry his daughter and my granddad’s response was something along the lines of “What are you asking me for? The fact that you are asking my permission rather than the two of you together telling me means my answer is no.” (purpleflowerowl)
Not Gonna Happen
My American friend met his Japanese girlfriend in grad school in America. She went back to Japan, they maintained a long-distance relationship. A few years go by, and she said he should come and ask for her hand in marriage.
They both think the parents will say yes because she’s getting to be an old maid by Japanese standards. So he comes, meets the family, get along well. At the end of the trip, he asks the parents for permission to marry their daughter. And they say no. She says, “Wow, I didn’t think they’d say no. But what can I do? Sorry.”
They broke up, and he went home alone. (jimmyjazz2000)