A Difficult Choice
For many people, family is an unbreakable bond. Through good times and bad, and no matter what happens, family will stay family through the worst of things. Which is what makes having to cut off a family member, particularly a son or daughter, particularly hard.
For most, things would have to be extreme to make such a decision. These people opened up about what pushed them so far that they had to cut contact.
Cheap and easy to obtain heroin was the beginning of the end. Twice he robbed me of all my possessions – even my car, 1 eight month stint in state jail during which I visited with his daughter every weekend and upon release I brought him home only to be robbed again. 3 failed attempts in recovery centers after which he and his girlfriend abandoned their children leaving them with me for 4 years with no contact of any kind. At 32 yoa he is now unable to remain out of the county jails for more than a week at a time. I’m done. (robindtx)
Took a bit to decided if I wanted to share my story. But here goes.
I’m the father in question. I have three kids, 2 daughters and one son. They’re all adults. I got married at 20 and we had them one after another. For years, my wife and I blamed ourselves about how my youngest girl turned out.
Being so young, right out of community college, I wasn’t making a lot, so I did the best I could. But we wonder if it was nutrition or the shithole we stayed in or something that made her be born with severe BPD [Borderline Personality Disorder].
We didn’t know what it was at first. She was really difficult. We tried our best to raise her well. By the time we figured out what was wrong with her, she had set in really bad behaviors. We still think she’s the one that mutilated the neighbor’s cat but can’t prove it.
As of two years ago, she refused to take her medications, was sleeping around with whoever would shoot her up with drugs, stealing money, and generally being really difficult.
We told her to leave and never comeback. Tried to get her into a state mental place but it wasnt an option. So we just closed our doors and moved shortly after. Honestly don’t know what happened to her since. I tell people I only have two kids.
Wife is devastated, but I’m just relieved. Sorry, baby K. (hardestdecisions)
Not Looking Back
We’re not at the “cutting off contact” point yet. I hope we don’t get there, but I’d be lying if I hadn’t considered the possibility arising. If it happens, it will come down to a couple of things.
She lies. About herself, about us, about everything, no matter how big or how small the matter. We’ve tried to get her help – therapists and psychiatrists for years. We have no trust whatsoever left in her, so we’re pretty much at the point of protecting ourselves first when it comes to what she tells us. We have to weigh every statement by what it could mean if it were not true and then decide whether it’s worth another argument.
On top of that, we’ve been told she has some sociopathic tendencies, is emotionally underdeveloped and is at high risk for developing full blown BPD [Borderline Personality Disorder]. She doesn’t express gratitude for anything. Doesn’t seem to care much about us. Has trouble showing any vulnerability whatsoever which makes it hard to be close to her.
She’ll be a legal adult in months. She’ll leave for college soon after that. But I really don’t know what will happen after that.
She had a rough childhood – her mother was abusive and neglectful. We took her in after that. We’ve tried our best to love her and prepare her for the world, but I suspect that once she’s out in it, she won’t really look back. Or that if she does, it will only be in this mix of manipulation and survival instinct, not out of any desire to remain close to us. I don’t think she sees us as her parents, just as the latest in a long line of people that she can’t trust and needs to get the most out of while she can.
We’ve been told that at this point that’s not likely to change by her therapist.
So I dunno. There’s only so much we can give. (loptah)