Iceman’s Dope Leather Duds…
As we all know, fashion is cyclical. Lacey dresses that filled NYC streets a few summers ago harkened back to the hippies times of the 1960s, denim-ania of the 1970s made a full-tuxedo return in the early oughts, jumpers popularized for full-grown ladies in the ’80s had a contemporary renaissance in the past decade. Fashionistas are constantly excavating the past for the next big trend.
And it has just arrived: the first DNA-analysis of Oetzi the Iceman’s clothes are in and you won’t believe what scientists found. The 5,300-years-old mummified Iceman was famously discovered in the Italian Alps in 1991 with an arrowhead stuck in his shoulder (OG). And who knows fashion better than the Italians? DNA analysis was in its infancy at the time, but now it has developed to the point that scientists have gotten around to testing his duds. And the results are off the hook.
This Pre-historic Trend Could be the Next Fall Fashion Revolution.
They say that two heads are better than one—also the case with shoelaces.
So, what was this prehistoric player donning as he wandered around the Italian Alps at a time when copper was first being turn into tools? Oetzi the Iceman probably wasn’t doing much smelting because he was rocking straight leather. Yes, that’s right, from head to toe leather. A terrible call for the summertime—unless you want to sweat like a Turk in a bathhouse—but for this coming fall, you’re not going to be wearing anything else.
Yet, these Copper Age togs weren’t merely some casual cowhide swiped up at Gucci/Prada. The clothes had an impressive array of animal origins. Here’s the breakdown:
1) Leggings made of goatskin. What could be sexier than a dude confident enough to experiment with some female fashion points? These goatskin leggings were for sure an essential of Oetzi the Iceman’s wardrobe in the Alps as he traverse some of the tallest, snow-covered peaks in Europe. And, if we know anything about Oetzi, he for sure enjoyed some mouthwatering goat kebabs after skinning the little devils himself.
2) A shoelace of cow leather. They say that two heads are better than one: also the case with shoelaces. Walking around with one shoe tied and the other flipping and flopping all over the block can be a total bummer. But if you are going to rock the single-shoelace look, for sure, make it a cowhide tie. Originally sourced, naturally treated and down right bo-vine, Oetzi was way ahead of the one earring trend with this asymmetrical accent.
But that’s not all…
Catch up to the trend, you homosapien.
3) A sheep skin loincloth. If you haven’t been donning a loincloth this summer, you’re already behind the times. They cover everything that needs to be covered and nothing else. This pre-historic chic will allow the maximum breeze to keep your junk cool. They’re also sexy af. If you haven’t spotted your local trendsetter rocking this barely-there, sultry summer essential, then you’re not looking hard enough. Get on this trend before it slips through your legs.
4) A quiver made of deer antlers. Several celebrities from Johnny Depp to Kanye West have been seen sporting quivers strolling down Sunset Blvd. Or maybe I just imagined that. But while this trend is still in it’s infancy, it is cocked and ready to go. Combining anti-gun sentiments and homage to Native Americans, it’s just a matter of time before this trend goes worldwide.
And the crowning jewel…