The Internet at the Speed of Thought

EMT Workers Tell Their Craziest Sex Related Injuries and It’s Like Nothing You’ve Ever Read Before

at 4:37 pm | By

Sex sent them to the ER.

EMT workers are the first responders to all types of emergencies. And while most of their calls are medically-related emergencies, there have been times when they’ve gotten a call about a boy who got an allergic reaction from the lube he jerked off with, or the girl who’s boyfriend mistook her seizure for an orgasm. If you think those are crazy, wait until you read more stories from anonymous workers who have had to go beyond the call of duty. Check out these stories, and be happy it didn’t happen to you!

Paramedics with man on stretcher in ambulance

Credit: Air Images/Shutterstock

Warning: things get pretty crazy!

When Improvising Goes Wrong

woman hiding face under cover lying in bed

Credit: megaflopp/Shutterstock

“Called to a fancy apartment for ‘excessive vaginal bleeding’. Walk in and the woman yells for us to come to her. Late 20’s woman holding blanket around her torso standing in the middle of a room with a computer decked out for video editing and multiple cameras around desk. In front of a tripod with a camera there is broken glass and blood. We ask to see the problem, and she drops the blanket. She has a shard of glass stuck in her vagina with blood dripping down. We follow normal procedures and take care of her. She told us that she was filming herself fuck a wine bottle when it broke. Just because you’re brave enough, doesn’t mean you should.”

Peanut Butter Just Shouldn’t Go There

Creamy swirls of peanut butter with color coordinated wood cutting board in background

Credit: Marie C Fields/Shutterstock

“Call to suburban house, mother waiting at door. She rushes my partner and I over to her son’s room. We walk in to a teenage male yelling and crying while holding his penis. We analyze his genitals to find bite marks and peanut butter. We follow standard procedure and get him in the ambulance. On the way to the hospital we ask what happened. He responds along the lines of ‘I heard that if you cover your d**k in peanut butter, a dog will lick it off and it would feel good.'”