Family is family.
Better Late Than Never?
I was 28 when my parents finally told me. I don’t think they ever planned on telling me, but the province where I was born was about to release old adoption records, and they didn’t want me to find out by having someone show up at my door claiming to be my mother. It rocked my world – I never suspected anything before that. My younger sister (who was not adopted) and I look quite similar, so to say it was a shock is an understatement. It took me quite a while to come to terms with it…I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it. I would’ve done it differently…much earlier. Like 23 years earlier. I can’t say I feel “betrayed” because I know they did it out of love, but it’s kinda f**ked up. (katskratcher)
They didn’t. My cousin let it slip when I was 11. Then my parents made me feel guilty for being upset. I have issues. (MissyInAction)
On the Other Hand
I have always had an open adoption since my birth. As long as I can remember, I have known. My parents made a point to help me understand I was adopted for as long as I can remember. I am so thankful that I have known for so long because I have never felt as I was even adopted. I have a more open than normal adoption though, and recently it became a major problem. This may be an over share but I think it is relevant to the question because it is often assumed that an open adoption=a good adoption. My personal experience contradicts that and I think it’s worth sharing so people can see another side to adoption.
My parents always wanted my bio mom to be a part of my life because they were so grateful for the gift she had given them. They always invited her to birthday parties, etc. My biological mother even lived with my family for about 6 months when she needed a place to stay. She moved to another state a few years later and I continued to visit her about once a year. A few years ago I stayed with her for an entire summer. It started out fine. Eventually, it became too much. She wanted to still be the cool-birth-mother but she has major issues that I never realized until I lived with her. She could not balance keeping up the cool “parent” while trying to enforce rules that she had never had to enforce because she had never really been a mother. I met a boy and decided to stay for longer than just the summer. This is where things got really bad. She got extremely jealous that I spent all my time with him. I mean scary jealous. She couldn’t handle the jealousy and kicked me out of her house in a state where I knew no one but her and my boyfriend. I moved in with my boyfriend and she started stalking us. We tried to get a restraining order but it was denied. She started threatening and harassing my parents (who were living in the other state), and I; saying putting me up for adoption was the worst decision she ever made; they were horrible parents; I had grown up to be a disgrace; I was a loser; I had no friends; on and on and on. I had to block her number and after a few months I couldn’t handle it and moved back home. She continued to harass us and my boyfriend once I moved back home. Two years later and it has mostly stopped. She asks for forgiveness all the time but I am no where NEAR ready to forgive her for all the horrible things she has said to me and I’m not sure if I ever can.
Most importantly this experience made me extremely thankful that I was put up for adoption. I can honestly say I know that I would not be alive if I wasn’t put up for adoption because I learned how unstable and crazy my bio-mom is. There is so much more I could add to this story but it’s just too much to type! (Baskettcasee)