Her self-esteem prevented her from leaving
too many people enter into terrible relationships with others because they are manipulated into thinking the other person is better than they really are. They become convinced that they don’t deserve their partner, or don’t deserve better than they’re getting. Hopefully, the person being put-down or abused by their significant other will have a strong enough support system to be told that what they’re doing is bad for them, but all too often that isn’t the case. Predatory and abusive partners tend to prey on those without close family and friends, or those that they can separate from their family and friends which makes them easier to control.
An anonymous young woman posted about her relationship on Reddit, and it had her peers fearing for her emotional and physical safety. They told her she needed to get out.
Now deleted Reddit user moco1996 started off her story by explaining that her boyfriend of seven months had a habit of flirting with skinny women, especially around their college campus. He would even come to her house to tell her that he saw a hot, skinny woman on campus and didn’t flirt with her. He believed that he deserved his girlfriend’s praise for his good behavior.
She was puzzled by his desire to be congratulated, then he explained his feelings to her. She wrote: “He admitted to me his belief that my body is flawed and I would look better if I lost weight. He admitted to me that he needed to flirt with skinny women because he couldn’t handle dating a fat girl, and like he needed more validation.”
Our narrator said she had issues with her weight and body image before she met the guy. The 5’4”, 165 pound 20-year-old college student was “genuinely” making an effort to lose weight because her mom had Type 2 diabetes. During the past year, her mother was sick, and her family forced her to care for the woman. User moco1996 attempted suicide in October 2016.
She is aware that she has low self-esteem, and all she wants is a “semi-normal” relationship with someone. The actions of her boyfriend made her so stressed that she found it hard to do anything healthy for herself — she probably felt undeserving of living well.
A Bad Guy
User 1321345589 tried to tell her the hard truth that the guy would be awful even if she lost weight. They wrote, “He doesn’t want you to lose weight to be healthy, he wants you to lose weight for his benefit, which is a HORRIBLE dynamic. And even if you were 140 instead of 165, he would still be flirting with other girls.”
Other users posited that the man in question would probably be even meaner to her if she did lose weight because he would have less of an ability to put her down which is why he keeps her around now.
Our narrator continued her tale:
“I feel like this relationship kind[a] has been tainted with his bulls**t about my weight. I can’t work on my health journey because I just get like anxious because of all the s**t he’s sad and done because I’m fat. If my boyfriend said that s**t about my body imagine what strangers would think.”
It was clear that she just didn’t have the confidence to leave even though she was extremely hurt by what he said about her. She continued, “I never asked him out, I never told him I was gonna lose weight when we were seeing each other. My boyfriend thinks that he deserves to be with a skinny girl, because he wants to be a hot couple and I am ruing that idea.”
It’s Not You, It’s Him
Many of the commenters tried desperately to raise her spirits so that she would realize that she’s hurting herself by staying in this relationship. User Gummybear**gy tried to explain to her that she’s not the problem in the relationship, he is. They wrote:
“You, at your current state, are so much better than this guy. Objective observers will tell you to leave, because everyone else can see that you deserve someone who actually respects you, and thus guy clearly does not.”
The brave user Otakatt offered up her story which is similar to our narrator’s:
“When I was a teenager I dated a guy who sounds a lot like this. It was a miserable year because for whatever reason I clung to this sad excuse of a relationship long after it was over. Probably because I had no confidence. Even if you do lose tons of weight for this guy, it will never be enough for him. He’ll always find something wrong with you, not because there is anything wrong with you, but because he’s a narcissistic POS.”