"No, occifer, I'm fine."
One Track Mind
Officer: Do you smoke? Me: Not cigarettes. (FausstFate)
So, I was delivering booze to a friend’s place as he was having a drunken party and I thought i’d be nice. Anyway, his buddy spills a half a tumbler of scotch down my shirt.
I had to get to work so I take off and hit one of those drinking and driving stops.
Of course the cop is like “Whew, and how much have you had to drink?”
Me: “Nothing, my friend spilled scotch on me”
Cop: “Uh huh”
ME: “Fine, Blow me. You’ll find the truth”
Cop: “Excuse me!?”
Me, thinking: “Annnd, this is how I go to Jail”
Me: “OH! Nononono. I mean, Blow me, the thing, the straw you blow into”
Cop proceeds to laugh, gives me a breath test and I blow 0.0.
On with my day. Hah. 😀 (mrmarconi)
The Need for Speed
He asked was there a reason I was speeding? I said yes. He asked what was it? I said I like speeding