Is that too much?
When you’re with somebody for a long time, desires, attitudes, and circumstances can fluctuate or change entirely. Sex is such an intimate and passionate venture that requires time, arousal, and another person, and when those things don’t come together, it can get pretty tough to be satisfied. Sex lives can suffer and go downhill, and you’re left feeling unfulfilled. So what are the experts saying about healthy sex lives within long-term relationships? We’ve got their answers right here, and you may be surprised about what they’ve concluded.
Firstly, you may wonder from time to time if what you and your partner do in bed is in alignment with everyone else. People could always be exaggerating about how wonderful or how horrible things are, so it’s hard to tell what’s really going on in most relationships. Sex therapist Tammy Nelson says that her patients want to know more about what other people do and compare rather than focus on their own issues.
No Normal After All
“They want to know if they are having enough sex, the right kind of sex, if their partner wants too much sex. Sometimes, they’re worried that they should be doing something totally different in bed,” states Tammy. But she tells them that there is no norm to look to for guidance in this very personal area.
“‘Normal’ is a setting on the washing machine, nothing more. What’s most important is that you learn to have empathy for your partner and accept whatever their needs might be, even if they are different than your own.”
Sex therapists are more concerned about when things change in a couple’s sex life, like if they go from having sex an average of three times a week to just once. Sexologist Dawn Michael adds, “A lot of couples will say they have sex three times a week, but from what I see in my private practice, that number does not correlate with the truth.”
If you know a couple who constantly touts their highly-active sex life, they could be bluffing, so you shouldn’t compare yourself to them.
There is no amount of sex that everyone should be beholden to, but you and your partner do have a necessary amount.