Fly the Filthy Skies
-there is a large list of things that can be broken but the aircraft can still fly.
-Often there will be a dead body in the cargo hold.
-There is a crash axe just laying around in the cabin. It’ll spilt open your skull (not tested) but it won’t actually get through the aircraft skin or windows (tested).
-Lavatory doors can be opened from the outside by lifting the metal plate saying “lavatory” and pulling the pin under it.
-Both pilots may not eat the same meal, but they might be eating at the same time while the plane flies itself. (unimproved)
Why can’t they eat the same meal? (onepostforme)
Food poisoning. Cases have been reported where large amounts of passengers became sick due to a seafood dish, and you’d rather not have both pilots vomiting on landing. (unimproved)
What the passengers don’t know…
Not a flight attendant but one day my dad, who is an engineer, was on a plane when the cabin filled with smoke right after takeoff. He knew instantly from the smell that it was burning hydraulic fluid, the fluid that is used to raise and lower the landing gear. The plane was quickly turned around and grounded but instead of telling the passengers what really happened, they told them that the smoke was from leftover cleaning fluid that turned into steam after takeoff. (Boltwizard_)
I’m an ex-flight attendant! I flew for a middle eastern airline from 2013-2016. Can confirm the body and crash-axe thing.
-people frequently do disgusting things on their tray tables (I’ve seen people change diapers, clip toenails and wipe boogers to name a few), and they are not always properly sanitized between flights. Wipe them down yourself before eating off of them.
-It is not water on the lavatory floors. It is pee. Wear your shoes.
-The airline will do whatever they can to get you on your connecting flight, including holding the flight for a bit if you’re close, as long as it is cheaper to do that than put you on another flight. Your crew can’t do anything about your connecting flights (especially mid-flight), so please don’t get upset at them. The airline handles it on ground.
-People are generally disgusting on planes. I once found human feces under a seat. Planes are cleaned between sectors (at least at my airline they were, not sure about US flights where they do multiple sectors a day), but still, consider that before you put your stuff everywhere.
-You will get complained about or made fun of in the galley if you’re an as*hole. Don’t be an as*hole.
-Put your seatbelt on when you’re supposed to! I’ve seen someone be quite badly injured when we hit clear air turbulence – the seatbelt sign was on but they felt it would be safe to move around because it wasn’t bumpy. We hit an air pocket and he went flying. In general, if the crew is sitting down, stay seated.
-Planes can fly with quite a bit of damage, and passengers won’t be told about it. I had a cockpit windscreen crack on take off out of Brisbane once (heading back to the middle east), and we had to do an emergency landing in Singapore. Passengers started asking why we were only at 20,000ft and the moving map was showing another direction, it was awkward. The captain came on the PA and told them we were landing in Singapore due to a technical problem at top of descent. They never knew it was due to 2 of 3 layers of the cockpit windscreen being shattered. (boopboopster)