Follow the rules?
Wise beyond her years, Marilyn Monroe once said, “It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone — so far.” This statement aged like a fine wine, holding true decades after it was spoken.
However… too many people end up “unhappy with someone.” It is way too common for people to find themselves settling for the liar with the beautiful smile, the cheater with the soft eyes, or the lackluster conversationalist with the great car.
Then there are those who like a challenge. The I-can-change-them types are all too familiar.
When this girl set out to straighten up her boyfriend’s act, she didn’t mess around. She even typed it out in list format and printed it for him. The eight rules she set for her man left no room for misunderstanding. Honestly, homegirl scared us all.
Twitter user Kyle Keyes (@kkeyes96) posted a picture of part of the list after finding it inside of a used car he bought. Fifteen thousand retweets later, the list made its way to a few media outlets.
Kyle didn’t know whose boyfriend the list applied to or whose girlfriend wrote the list in the first place, but he knew one thing for sure: he and his girlfriend Brittnay didn’t have those problems.
Falling in Line
The first two rules on the list spark tons of concern. The painfully-untrusting girlfriend forbids her significant other from having any single girl’s phone number in his phone. Given the generalness of this statement, it is fair to assume that good friends, classmates, and long-time coworkers without boyfriends all counted as “single girls.” The boyfriend would have had to cut them off completely, as he wasn’t even allowed to follow single girls on social media!
Sadly, to keep his girlfriend, this guy would have had to shake up his whole group of friends… He’s not allowed to hang out with someone named Keegan either. The third rule of the list bluntly stated:
“You are NOT to hang out with Keegan (including his house or anywhere in public)”
Keegan wasn’t the only friend getting cast aside though. “You are NOT to hang out with your friends more than two times a week,” the girlfriend demanded in the list.
Leave those girls alone
Back to his rules about single girls… Because not knowing them at all was clearly not enough for his girlfriend, this guy couldn’t even lay his eyes on one. “You’re NOT to look at a single girl,” the girlfriend wrote.
Girls, especially single girls, have minds of their own though. So, what is the boyfriend supposed to do if a girl approaches him? Don’t worry. She’s got an answer. This girl is nothing if not thorough.
“If girls come up to you at any place or anytime you are to WALK away,” she wrote.
This list could really have been organized better because it jumps around a lot. The next rule on the list jumps back to the boyfriend’s friends. “Mo is to NOT hang out us every time we hang out,” the girlfriend proclaimed.
After all of the don’t-do-this and don’t-do-that, there’s still more… though the last two rules are relatively more normal requests…
“You are NOT to ask for head,” the girlfriend said. Lastly, she wrote, “You are NOT to get mad at me about a single thing ever again.”
Naturally, Twitter had some thoughts.
Don’t be crazy
Of course, everyone’s first thought was that the boyfriend deserved this strict list, proposing that maybe he cheated. Twitter user chikinnuggitz had some doubts though. They said, “I wouldn’t think so, if he cheated, they probably wouldn’t be together anymore. It seems that the woman is just abusive.”
“This is obviously a joke, right?” Twitter user JoshEberley tweeted.
The most blunt response came from user MrJayBenz. “She demanded all those things then had the audacity to say ‘DO NOT EVER ASK FOR HEAD’ Lmaoooo,” they tweeted.
Jokes about the list ran for days, but when it was all said and done, Kyle Keyes only had one response: “So for the dumbasses that obviously can’t read, the contract was not written by my girlfriend. She’s very loving and isn’t psychotic.”
What’s the worst rule a significant other has tried to make you follow? Let us know in the comments and SHARE this article!