He knew that it was an insurmountable trait
Love may be a many splendored thing, but it’s also extremely complicated. It can be the most intoxicating feeling or it can lead you into a world of heartache. One man realized one way in which love can mess with your head, and he took to the internet to get some answers to his particular problem.
A picture of a man sitting on bench was posted to the Humans of New York Instagram page on October 26 which showcases people, pets, and places in New York City. The account (which is now a book, as well) accompanies the photos with a short story about the subject.
While this picture wasn’t offensive in any way, his words came off as rather harsh to many.
How it Started
The anonymous man was quoted as saying:
“At first I told myself I could get past it. I said, ‘Let’s just see how it goes.’ We had excellent dates. Everything else about her was exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want to ruin something good for that one little reason.”
It sounded like this guy had a real problem on his hands about this woman. He continued to say that he never did get over this “thing,” and he let their relationship go on way too long before confronting the issue.
“It’s been 1.5 years. And I feel horrible, but I just can’t get past it. And I feel like a bad person for being bothered by it. I can’t bring myself to tell her. We’re going to couple’s therapy next week, but I still don’t think I’ll be able to say it.”
He finally revealed what it was about his long-term girlfriend that he just couldn’t get over: “Is there any right way to ask someone to lose weight for you?”
How Dare You
There was immediate shock and outrage over his seemingly-fat shaming post, and the fact that he had already spent so much time in the relationship. Instagram user m0betta_ said, “I don’t get this…. how did you draw this out for a whole year and a half? I’m sorry, but I feel like you KNEW you would never get past it. You’ve wasted your time, as well as hers.”
“It’s not YOUR body. I gained weight and although I feel awful about it my husband tells me how beautiful i am and how great I look almost every single day,” user marissa7386 chimed in.
While many commenters were offended that he would let a few extra pounds come between his meaningful relationship, others were sympathetic to his plight. People felt like he was merely stating that he wasn’t physically attracted to this woman, and that he could never be if she didn’t change her appearance.
Just a Preference
Instagram user sierraellis_ said about the predicament, “If he has a preference, he has a preference. If he degraded her, then he would be a jerk for that. But right now, he’s just someone who has a preference & avoids the truth. Like most folks.”
User fati_ma1233 said they also sympathized with his position. “I guess I don’t blame him for that because he really tries and feels guilty for not accepting that, but I think they should talk about it, this is so hard. But if she’s okay in her body she shouldn’t feel obligated to change just for him,” they said.
User k_macp said what many others were trying to explain: that he probably wasn’t really in love with this woman anyway. “You should probably move on from this relationship. When you meet the right person, her weight will not matter. If you cannot accept someone for who they are, you should move on – because they may never ever change that thing you don’t like,” they said.
The experts at Psychology Today say that attraction can be cultivated through hard work, but it may be too hard for some people to master.
You can fall for someone that you’re not necessarily physically attracted to, but the relationship may not last for long when you feel like you’re settling for something that’s not pleasurable. Your feelings of love will diminish over time due to that. If you don’t feel like you truly love the person you’re with, you may be stringing them along in an unsatisfying relationship.
Do you think that you could get over not being physically attracted to someone you’re dating? Tell us what you think in the comments and SHARE this story!