I hope that no one responds to these
You’re standing in line for coffee, like you do every single day. Then, the woman of your dreams walks right in the door. Your heart stops. You can’t breathe. You’re paralyzed by her beauty. Before you can make your move, she walks out the door… never to be seen again.
What can you do to try to find this woman? You turn to Craigslist’s Missed Connections, and you let her know how you feel about her, if she ever reads the ad, that is. Some people aren’t the most eloquent writers, but here’s what they want to say to their lost partners in love.
“I was sitting there eating a burrito, you looked up at me and our eyes met. it was a magical moment. unfortunately I tried to fart silently and accidentally had runny diarrhea all over the place. I wanted to talk to you but was too embarrassed, plus I had to go to the bathroom and clean up. email me and tell me what you were eating so I know its you.”
“I was the blue-eyed brunette in black leggings who asked you if Trader Joe’s was still selling collard greens on Sunday, June 26. While you checked in the back, I texted my roommate about the ‘adorable produce guy at TJs’. You reported back to me the bad news; then while I decided on my alternate, you arranged all those greens – the kale, the romaine, the spinach, the micro-greens – in the most immaculate formation I have seen. It was artistry of the type I see in pine cones. When I finally decided on the kale, I clumsily knocked another bag down with it and you had it picked up and put back in half of the blink of an eye. Then I ran away – just me, my regret, and my organic Tuscan kale.”
Baby on the Way
“If you want to be in the child’s life it will be born soon. I hope you will. I am Mexican-American. 5’4” 100 lbs when we screwed. You told me you wore a business entrepreneur.
I tried to draw you. I’m no police sketch artist, but I think the resemblance is there. You are Middle Eastern. Tallish. Had about a 6 and a half inch d**k. We had sex 3 times. Then you disappeared.
If anybody from the village area recognized this man let him no he has baby son coming.”