How would you answer this sensitive question?
Even though past generations didn’t discuss the birds and the bees as much as people do now, it can get a little weird when talking about the mechanics of physical love with your children. You know that they’ve got tons of questions in their heads about how it works, why people do it, and so on, so it may be the best policy just to be honest about it.
One mom answered her child’s question honestly then turned to the internet for help, wondering if she made the right choice. Some people agreed, but others were stunned by her answer.
Mumsnet user bestoutofthree queried, “My 12 year old came in to the bedroom just now…
DS: ‘Mum this is kind of a weird question and I don’t know about asking it.’
Me: What is it?
DS: How often do you and Dad have s*x?
Me: Oh. Are you sure you want to know?
Me: Once or twice a week I guess
DS: Oh. Now NEVER say that again.
Me: You asked! And I double checked! You can always ask me any questions you know.
Even though I tried to seem calm and cool, it felt just really odd. Maybe because I was taken by surprise.
I am a very modest person and never talk about s*x with friends at all, but DS has far fewer inhibitions and often mentions things I find embarrassing. I would never in a million years have asked that question of my mother!
Has anyone had discussions like that with their DC? I expect normal ‘what is s*x’ conversations but didn’t expect personal questions like that.”
Some moms were horrified that the child asked the question and that the mom even answered it. User LunarGirl said what many of the moms were thinking, “Did you ask him why he wanted to know? That is a very personal question and to be honest I would’ve probably told him it was none of his business. But there was obviously a reason he asked. Any chance it was a roundabout way of him letting you know that he’s well aware you have s*x and maybe you need to keep it down?”
User Bluntness100 thought that misleading the child entirely is a good way to handle hard questions. She responded, “I find it strange a 12 year old would ask that. Mine asked when she was about six; after watching an episode of The Simpsons, she asked if we had s*x, she didn’t know what s*x was, I guess just thought that it was kissing, I said never….
If she’d asked at twelve, I’d have said it was none of her business or made a jokey response, like never or all the time, we are having it right now can’t you tell. Yes he will tell her friends, and yes it will make him uncomfortable. So no, I wouldn’t have told him either. But I’d be concerned about his lack of boundaries in asking such a personal question at that age.”
Others were supportive that the reluctant mom obliged the question. Fibbertigibbet said, “I can’t say I’ve ever asked my mum this, but I know when I was learning about s*x I wondered a lot about things like this and how much people were having s*x. I’d say it’s a credit to you that he feels comfortable to ask you the question, even if he didn’t like the answer!”
VladmirsPoutine looked at it as no big deal and quite natural, saying, “He asked and you felt okay in answering. It’s not as if you casually mentioned it to the cashier at Tesco or something. It’s typical that he’ll feel grossed out by it. But there we go. He asked a question and got an answer.”
How would you feel about your child asking you such a personal question? Let us know what you think is appropriate in the comments and SHARE this story!