Reach for the lower atmosphere!
Rush Hour
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How quickly you can become presentable for work when you’ve hit the snooze button seven times. (sb082)
I do this at least once a week. I’m down to like 10 minutes (I work a professional job, need to dress nicely and at least look sober), curious if anyone can do it faster and what their standards of “ready for work” are. (scm96)
Bye, Mom
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Getting off the phone with your mother.
“Uh huh. Yea. Okay. Sure. Yes. Right. Yes. Yes. Yes. Uh huh. Yes. Of course. Yes mom. No. Yes I will. Mom, I’m in my thirties, I know how t– yes mom. Yes. Yes.Okay. Yes. Look, I really need to go. I have a conference call for work and– yes mom. What? I can’t hear you. Signal breaking up, I’m going through a tunnel in an airplane and my battery is dying. Good bye!” (Dagonus)
“Mom, please stop talking. I really have to pee.”
“Oh, and your grandma said-”
“I’m hanging up now.”
I’m really not sure how, but my mom only ever calls me when I need to go to the bathroom. (C5268)
Neat and Orderly
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Thickest stack of paper you are able to staple without the staple getting all crimped. (WeLikePizza)
Get your paper all squared up and feed it into the stapler. Push down gently on the stapler until it contacts the paper and is just beginning to expel the staple. The staple should be just starting to penetrate the first sheet. Now, while holding the stapler in that position with one hand, slam your other fist down as fast as possible on the top front of the stapler.
The trick is to surprise all the paper with your speed and force. Make sure to use a decent office stapler for this, preferably someone else’s. (slithy_tove)