It takes a special person to care for the disabled
Science is getting closer and closer to allowing pregnant couples to know exactly what their children are going to be like through genetic testing. These tests can tell you superficial traits as well as if the child will have a disability. This has led potential parents to wondering if they would terminate the pregnancy if they knew beforehand that their future child would require 24/7 care for their entire life due to a disability. If you were told that the child you were expecting would never live a normal life or even be able to function without a caregiver, would you still give birth?
Those who care for a disabled person can tell you what it’s like to give up a part of yourself to another person. Some have no regrets about birthing their kids, yet others feel perpetually bound to someone who can’t understand what a burden they are. It’s hard to imagine feeling disdain towards family members. According to some of these parents, they can’t help but think that their disabled child would have been better off if they lost their lives long ago. There’s no doubt that caring for someone who can’t care for themselves is taxing, but it can be downright draining if you have no assistance. Fortunately, not every story is a sad one.
Here are some deep, dark confessions (and some heartfelt revelations) from parents raising disabled children.
Not the Same Person
Not a parent, but I have a cousin who is raising a mentally disabled kid. I feel so bad for her. She is not who she used to be. She has gained weight, doesn’t have time to go out and have fun, has built up thousands of dollars of debt, she has become depressed and is taking meds for it. I would love to ask her this question, but looking at her face and body already lets me know that she is definitely not happier with her kid in her life. (TheTrueCharlatan)
I work in a social services department for disabled adults. Many of the disabled people I meet are into their 60’s and still live with their parents. I’m all for equal rights, but in that I think caregivers rights are lost a little bit. One lady I met the other day was recovering from a broken hip; an injury she got from when her mentally disabled daughter pushed her down the stairs. I couldn’t deal with that.
Plus, sometimes, you really have to question the quality of life some disabled people have. When I was a student I met a disabled person who couldn’t communicate or mobilize in any way. She had to always be in a lying down position and on a ventilator. If you could choose, would you want to live your life that way?
I sometimes feel awful for saying this, but kind of believe that we should embrace the notion of ‘survival of the fittest’ where we have the choice to do so. My SO and I have already said that if we ever have children and the prenatal testing shows disability we wouldn’t disregard abortion as an option. (bbbbbfreestyle)
Step parent of disabled girl. She is now 18, 9 when I met her. Poor kid has issues from her mother doing drugs when she was pregnant. My step daughter’s mental maturity is of around an 8 year old. She has trouble being able to understand what’s imaginary and what’s real as an example she truly believes that the little mermaid is a real thing. She also has trouble with time, something could of happened years ago and she will talk about it like it just happened and feel like it just happened.
She has been diagnosed with ADD, Bi-Polar disorder and being mentally delayed. I’ll admit it can be hard at times like when she ran away or made up lies about people or when she got/gets into fights. But that’s not everyday or every moment, she is a funny, beautiful, sweet, artistic girl and much more. I love her like she is my own and do not regret having her in my life for a second she has so many amazing qualities despite her disability. (BobsPineapplePants)