“I never needed him for things, for money, for any tangible thing. I just wanted his heart, his words, his encouragement, but he couldn’t even do that.” It’s the all too familiar story of a strong woman falling in love with a man who ultimately cannot, or will not, meet her needs. There are two endings to this story: the relationship either ends or it continues on, lacking the closeness one might expect in a healthy relationship. In both scenarios, the heartbreak and loneliness theme of the story never changes. So why is it that independent women always seem to choose the emotionally unavailable men?
For those who manage to be independent and also happily in love, readily accepting a consistent steady relationship, this might seem like the ultimate mystery. But the hard truth of the matter is, most independent women choose emotionally unavailable men simply because they want to.
Independent Women See Them as a Romance-Jackpot
They see emotionally unavailable men as someone who won’t hinder their lifestyle, their decision making, or their power. Independent women know with emotional unavailability comes an anti-committal man who will never suffocate them, be clingy, or expect more than what they have to offer. Without interruption, independent women have the ability to continue their life the way they want it with the addition of another person to keep them warm at night when they need it. Independent women are so used to being on their own that the idea of giving a piece of themselves away is terrifying. As a result, they keep everything, and everyone, at arm’s length.
They’ve heard horror stories of women who loved so hard they lost themselves, so in order to avoid that issue altogether, they swore to they’d never allow that to happen. Independent women vow to never become the girl waiting by the phone, disappointed when they don’t get a call. Their past has only proved that closeness and being too connected to another person has caused more pain and neglect than anything else.
Independent Women Want Companionship and Emotional Availability
It’s this sort of ‘Jekyll and Hyde mentality’ that leaves them alone at night and facing heartbreak more often than they’d like to. In the innermost parts of themselves, independent women want companionship and emotional availability, and yet they keep going for these emotionally unavailable men. On the outside, they are hardened, too-cool-for all that needy B.S., because giving off that avoidant “I’m fine” vibe like it’s their second nature.