You'll only need one glass from now on
More and more Americans love wine. What has been a staple for centuries in many European companies has finally caught on with the masses here in the US. For the last few decades, fine wine was relegated to gourmands who have expendable incomes. But recently there has been a HUGE surge of American wineries producing affordable, world-class wines.
Of course with wine bottles you’ll need an opener, which is big business for some companies targeting people who don’t know how to use a standard opener for some reason: Some even cost over $30!. The wine crazy is also a money maker for glass companies, who can sell many variations of different wine glasses to the connoisseur.
But for us plebs, there comes an even more ingenious way to get that sweet berry wine into our systems. Men and women who truly LOVE their wine need this new invention that’s so stupidly simple that it’s amazing that no one has thought of it before.
Wine Stoppers? HA!
Saving a bottle of wine is for the weak. A real adult can get down with an bottle by themselves. Or at least with a little help from a friend. I don’t even own a wine stopper because why would I ever have leftover wine? It goes in my mouth or in my cooking pot. Getting cutesie wine stoppers at weddings is an insult to me.
Splitting a bottle of wine over dinner will bring your guests closer together. But that is also for the n00b. Your standard bottle of wine holds three proper glasses of the good stuff. I personally know a woman or two who can polish off two bottles on her own. So why even deal with that narrow glass neck to get to guzzling?
With the heightened wine craze, there are so many accoutrements on the market. Boxed wine has been downsized to individuals wine boxes like a Capri Sun or juice box. But honestly, you’d have to drink like twelve of them to get turnt.
There’s even a “wine rack” which is a sports bra with wine bag inserts and a straw so you carry your booze wherever you go. I am thankful I live in New Orleans, where we can openly carry and show off our booze dependency. Because I don’t want to drink warm wine from my boobs.