The Internet at the Speed of Thought

The Most Regrettable Purchases Ever Made

at 11:19 am | By

Bagpipes

Bagpipes

Source: Instagram @donna_lay_raskas

“Got drunk… I bought the bagpipes about 6 years ago with my first tax return and they cost about $167 off ebay. I don’t know what brand/type they are. I tried to play them once or twice but I could only make the majestic sound of an elephant dying. I’m selling them to a friend whenever I get around to finding all the parts.” -Tiddy_bits (Reddit)

Really, drunkenly purchasing any instrument could seem like a bad decision the next morning. But “the sound of an elephant dying” can have a diverse range of uses: annoying your neighbors, slowing gentrification in your neighborhood, or getting rid of your roommate and/or significant other. Changing your life is worth $167. And then you can gift it to a friend in need! Just choose wisely.

“Drugs are Bad” T-shirt Bikini Dress

Drugs are Bad tshirt bikini dress

Source: Tumblr @missingregretsy

Who doesn’t love South Park? Me. I don’t. I kind of hate it. Sure, I get it: the social commentary, the raffish humor, the basic-ass animation. That’s all well in good if you’re ok with being an adult who sit in front of a tv for hours watching cartoons. But I suggest you reexamine your life.

There are certain profound take-aways from the show. Like this one: “Drugs are bad.” Is it ironic? Yes, obviously and straight-forwardly so. And while while this broad sarcasm might seem funny while drunkenly behind your computer screen, it’s probably not something that you’re going to want to wear outside once you’ve sobered up? So keep drinking South Park fans; keep drinking and keep chortling at the obvious and overwrought ironies.

‘Milked by Finesse’ by Cherry Dare

cow pic

Source: Instagram @brookesy26

Amazon Item Description: “Carly never expected to become a human cow, milked and allowed to graze. Then Lindstrom Lactation Laboratories paid her a thousand dollars to become their human milk cow for a week. She was treated with Milkdown X, a special formula which made her breasts grow and lactate… and become so sensitive that milking drove her wild with desire.”

This erotic novel by Cherry Dare sounds ~utterly~ amazing. While it’s unfortunately only available for Free for Kindle, apparently some Amazonians thought that it wasn’t worth the time it took to download.

“Here’s a fetish I didn’t even know existed: obsession with female lactation, cows and (apparently) womyn-cow hybrids?! People (i.e. men) with this obsession should IMHO read something more suitable, such as “Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction”, “The Evolution of Modesty” and “Sexual Healing”. Or even “A Field Guide to Cows: How to Identify and Appreciate America’s 52 Breeds”. God bless.” -Ashtar Command (Amazon)

Yikes. That got a bit spotty.

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