The Internet at the Speed of Thought

Time Tested Ways to F**k With People in Public

at 2:54 pm | By


melons growing outside


In high school, my friend worked in the produce section of our local grocery store. I stopped by to chat with him once and an old lady walked up to us with a melon in her hand. The dialog went like this:

Old Lady: “How can I tell if this melon is ripe?”

Friend: “Well, I’ll tell you what you do. You just hold it up to your ear, like so.” [pantomimes holding melon to his ear]

Old Lady: [holds melon up to her ear]

Friend: “Then you just say: ‘hello?'”

Old Lady: “Hello?”

I laughed so hard I almost died. (dwillytrill)

Get in Formation

people waiting bus line


Stand with intent. See if you can form a queue. (SomeRandomUserGuy)

I remember this from Brain Games. They made a “Line starts here” sign and got someone to stand next to it. All of a sudden, a ton of people got in line… for nothing. (jlarsson13)

Eye Contact

steve buscemi eye headshot


While carrying on a normal conversation instead of maintaining eye contact, lock your eyes just a little bit off to the side looking at their ear or just beyond it. You want to be close enough to normal eye contact that they have to wonder whether or not they’re imagining it. (7DollarsOfHoobastanq)